Winter Word Problems
Now accepting answers.
Leon and Ruben are not allowed to wear their snow boots in the house because they track salt onto the floors and rugs. Mommy explains this calmly five (5) times. The children ignore her five (5) times. Mommy then yells one (1) time, very loudly, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP WEARING YOUR SNOW BOOTS IN THE HOUSE.”
Using basic math and emotional science, calculate whether they will listen.
This winter, Ruben has decided he does not believe in coats. Instead, he wears a fleece dinosaur costume as his winter jacket. He also wears rain boots to school, regardless of temperature, snow depth, or Mommy’s begging and pleading.
If the temperature is 19°F and Mommy has already lost one battle this morning, determine whether it is worth fighting him about appropriate winter gear—or if Mommy should simply let this fucking go.
Leon is five (5) years old. He can brush his own teeth, get his own snacks, and do his own hair in a way that suggests confidence. However, when it comes time to buckle his car seat, he insists he cannot do it because his “fingers do not work this way.”
Explain why independence increases in direct proportion to how fun the task is and disappears completely when buckles are involved.
If every day this week has been gray and both children need outdoor time “for regulation,” how many minutes will Mommy stand in the cold pretending this is good for everyone before she snaps?
Winter break lasts two (2) weeks. January and February last forty-seven (47) years.
Using any math you like (fractions, infinity, despair), explain how this is possible and whether Mommy will survive until spring —or, since she lives in Chicago, realistically, May.
Answer key:
No.
Probably.
The Physics of Convenience: Buckling a car seat with frozen fingers is basically impossible. You know it, I know it, Leon knows it.
1 minute. No amount of HeatTech clothing will make the cold go away.
The math is irrelevant. Mommy should have a cocktail.
See child in “coat” above. Drop a heart if you laughed, or better yet, get someone to subscribe to The Performance Plan because this weekend is my birthday. XO
The Dino suit is full body coverage hes a genius
I can’t do math I’ve gotten to old