When The Light Changes

Something different in honor of Los Angeles.

Like many of you, I’ve spent the past few days glued to the news coming out of LA. The devastation, the relentless blazes, the decimated communities, the families forever changed—it’s all too much to bear.

I’m no stranger to tragedy. While I don’t know this specific kind of devastation firsthand, dark days have knocked at my door. Twelve years ago, I lost my mother suddenly and tragically to suicide. Three years later, I lost my boyfriend to an undetected heart condition.

The day after my mother’s death, the light changed. When I opened my eyes to the morning sunlight, the world I had known looked radically different. Suddenly, nothing would ever be the same. Tragedy had come to my door. It was no longer an abstract concept—it was personal—and I would forever walk through life knowing that bad things could happen at any time. A few years later, my boyfriend’s sudden loss changed the light once again.

For so many people in Los Angeles, life is now divided into "before" and "after." The familiar is lost. The thought of starting over after something so shocking and terrible feels impossible.

As we collectively shift into problem-solving mode, I feel compelled to pause and acknowledge the weight of this event. A horrible thing has happened. If a victim of one of the fires wants to tell you every detail about the house they spent years—perhaps decades—building, let them. If someone wants to say nothing and simply sit in silence, that’s a perfectly valid response too. If they want to laugh, that’s a beautiful way forward. Anything goes really.

For those wondering what to say, consider: “While I may not know this grief specifically, I will help you carry it.” Tragedy is made easier by knowing you don’t have to move forward alone. After my sudden losses, my community saved me.

Moments like these remind us that life can shift in an instant. At any moment, we could find ourselves on the "after" side, in need of support. Acting with compassion, as you’d hope others would for you, is a helpful guide through these times.