Opendatme!

On being a translator.

My two-year-old is in a phase where he can speak in full sentences, but to anyone else, it sounds like he’s casting spells in Latin. I sent a video of him wishing his grandma a happy birthday to a friend. “What is he saying?” she asked.

I forget that, to the untrained ear, everything he says sounds like garbled nonsense. But to me? His diction is crystal clear.

Right now, all his words run together like “opendatme,” which obviously means open that for me. He says this while tugging at my knee, holding out any toy he can find. He also has a gigantic lisp at the moment, thanks to a teething pattern that adds a dramatic “thsk” to the end of almost every word.

The lisp highlights his fat little tongue, which tends to protrude from his small mouth like a tiny pink flag. Honestly, it has such an effect on me that my urge to pop him from sheer adorableness is overwhelming. I calm myself by splashing a bit of ice water on my face.

This is my favorite stage of parenthood—when you serve as your child’s full-time translator, decoding everything they’re trying to say about the world. I’m powerless against my kids saying things wrong.

Maybe it’s because they have a mother who loves to get things so right. Still, I take enormous pride in the fact that I speak fluent toddler. My ear is keenly attuned to what my kid is saying, even when my husband is completely lost.

“Shoothsoffdaddy!” he insists.

“What’s he saying?” my husband asks.

“You have to take off your shoes to go into his room,” I inform him. “That’s his newest rule.”

He keeps a strict policy for his bedroom, which is how I know he’s my son.

We’re deep in summer mode here, which means I took the leaf blower to the car to get the sand out after a trip to the beach this weekend. I’m enjoying very overpriced Rainier Cherries and this song. I’m spending my summer staying put—and while of course, I could be sad that I’m not in the Mediterranean, Europe doesn’t have ice cream shops with 20-foot sculptures like this.

If you happen to be in East Troy, Wisconsin check out Gus’ Drive In. I do not recommend their food, but their custard is fantastic.

Thanks for reading! If this made you smile, feel free to like it, drop a comment, or share it with someone who speaks fluent toddler, too.