Nipples for Spring!

An overview of spring's must-haves.

The following are essential trends for Spring 2024:

The first trend that is popping up just about everywhere is having a lot of money—truly so much money to shop for spring’s latest jackets and knit flared capris. After doing some light math, you will need at least $6,553 to spend this March alone. Now, I’m not sure when or how everyone came into this kind of wealth that affords you said items, but I’m excited about it and not at all confused or jealous. The girls are swearing by Khaite, Highsport, and Loewe, so your allotted budget will allow you to purchase one and a half items. Perhaps you want this jacket below, and half a pair of pants?

Secondly, you must have places to go this spring. If you work from home and only get out for the occasional workout class or school drop-off/pick-up, this needs to change stat. Spring calls for rosettes, floral-encrusted garments, and volume! Frocks like these need galas and lavish events because they require entrances and personality. If you have to switch jobs or get new friends who invite you to such places, get to work.

Finally, polka-dotted across all top articles discussing spring trends are nipples—nipples everywhere as far as the eye can see. Nipples under sheer tank tops, organza drapey dresses, and translucent jumpsuits. Where nipples aren’t the star, there are sheer short shorts and entirely clear plastic dresses. I’m not sure how this trend will go over at the playground, but I am eager to report back. My desired look is below. To be frank, it only seems like small, cute nipples are in. After two kids, I'm not sure who still has those, so I’ll go for something more reserved, like the jacket below.

Happy shopping!

XX,
Nicole