Life Lessons My Five-Year-Old Has Learned from Watching The Real Housewives of New York

I never said I was mother of the year.

Leon and I have been watching The Real Housewives of New York together in the evenings while Greg travels — first weekly, now every other week — to San Francisco. Is this a questionable parenting move? Absolutely. Was it the only way to stay sane while this was the reality of my life for six months? Absolutely. The truth is, he has accumulated some important life lessons in the process, and we finished our re-watch right in time for our move. Poetry.

Just because it is called a girls’ trip does not mean it is fun.

This was the first and perhaps most important lesson he learned. As Leon watched Kelly Bensimon sob into her four-post bed, in five-star accommodations no less, after being shouted at by a chorus of women, he turned from his pillow and said, “It doesn’t seem like she’s having very much fun on this girls’ trip.” Astute. A life-changing realization. Just because your friends are there and you’re somewhere exotic like St. Barts or Cartagena, and you can don a sarong, doesn’t mean fun is guaranteed, especially when complicated group dynamics, open bars, and unresolved grievances are involved.

Being the designated person to order food for a group of adult women is a sign of great respect.

“Why does Bethenny always order for the group?” Leon asked one evening, removing his two sucking fingers from his mouth to share his observation. I paused the show. “Bethenny may not be loved, or even liked by many of these women, but they trust her to work a menu. She studies it beforehand. She has objectively good taste — not in men, but in apartment fixtures and food — and nobody wants to make the case for the lobster tacos themselves.” Coming from this group of women in particular, there is no higher form of respect.

Just because a young man is standing next to an older woman does not mean he is her son.

Leon was very confused about why Sonja Morgan had so many sons. It took me a while to understand why he thought this — after all, she regularly references her sole daughter. However, she is shown with approximately ten different younger boyfriends throughout her eleven seasons on the series. It was then I had to explain that just because an older woman is spending time with a younger man does not always mean he’s her son, especially if they look nothing alike and are kissing. They may just be friends.

Anything can be turned into a party.

A divorce. A dog’s death. A real holiday. A holiday you made up. A brand you made up. Anything. And like girls’ trips, just because it is called a party doesn’t mean it will be fun.

Friendships change and evolve.

Throughout our re-watch, we watched many friendships evolve. Bethenny and Jill. Bethenny and Carole. Bethenny and Luann. Friendships can drift and change, for better or worse. We discussed that we might experience something like this when we move to San Francisco — that we’d have to work at our friendships long-distance. Keep in touch. Visit. Genuinely welcome each other’s successes. Refrain from diving into anyone’s sealed court documents or financials. The basics. Leon nodded in agreement.

Yelling can sometimes be a sign that you really care about someone.

“Why are they always yelling, Mom?” Leon asked as we got into season eleven, which was particularly tumultuous. I explained that sometimes we yell to get our point across, the way Dorinda yelled that she was not heckling Luann’s cabaret show, merely saying the word “Jovani” at it, repeatedly, from the audience. And sometimes we yell because we care. Luann was being a very large narcissist that season, but underneath all the screaming, the women were genuinely worried about her. “You may have noticed,” I added, “that Daddy and I sometimes practice this life lesson at home.”

Mom does have some boundaries.

An ad came across my computer for The McBee Dynasty: Real American Cowboys. “Why don’t we watch that show next, Mom?” Leon asked, fingers back in his mouth, eyes hopeful.

“I don’t feel like that’s a show for kids, honey.”

I’ll let you know what he thinks of the Real Housewives of Miami; we still have two weeks left before the move.